Christmas Eve, 2008: Aboard the White Light Company's starship Titanic, guests gather around Mr Copper for last minute instructions before they are teleported to Earth.
MR COPPER
- To repeat, I am Mr Bayldon Copper, ship's historian, and I will be taking you to Old London Town. The basic facts: Human beings worship the great god Santa. A creature with fearsome claws. And his wife, Mary. Every Christmas Eve, the people of Earth go to war with the country of Turkey. Then they eat the people of Turkey for Christmas dinner. Like savages!
THE DOCTOR
- Excuse me, sorry, but … where did you get this from?
MR COPPER
- I have a degree in Earthonomics.
THE DOCTOR
- From where?
MR COPPER
- Mrs Golightly's Happy Travelling University and Hotel.
THE DOCTOR
- Can't argue with that.
